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Termites are very old-fashioned—they still have kings, queens, and a caste system for different types of workers and soldiers. The queen can live up to 45 years, and will sometimes find herself ruling over millions of loyal subjects. Notable events in her rule will include overseeing the construction of an elaborate termite nest out of dirt and wood, repelling ant armies, and wreaking havoc on hapless home and business owners. Down with the queen!

The perpetual problem with termites is that unlike us, they can digest cellulose—and their favorite type of cellulose comes in a composite form known as wood. Wood contains a lot of energy (think of how it burns), so ever since people have been using it to build, termites have been the Al-Qaeda of the bug world. They burrow within our wood, slowly eating away at it. Their stealthy behavior means that in many cases, they’ll have done serious damage to a home or building’s structural integrity before anyone realizes it. Termites are estimated to cause $5 billion dollars worth of damage a year in the U.S. alone—and most of it is not covered by insurance.

To avoid this problem, lumber can be treated with termite-repellant chemicals like neem seed oil, linseed oil, and organoborates. If you already have a problem, call your pest control professional.

How can we possibly kill a million termites burrowed inside lots of different pieces of wood? Rest easy—we’ve been doing this a long time. We have a tried-and-true method for expelling these unwanted guests: the Advance Termite Bait System.

We come and install some odorless (to us) chemicals nearby, underground. The unsuspecting termites are attracted to the chemicals, which are disguised as wood pellets and contain powerful insecticides. The termites will bring these poisoned pellets back to headquarters, where they’ll share them with the entire colony. This will destroy it from within—like a Trojan Horse.

It’s worth getting your home inspected. Call the termite terminators so you can rest easy!


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